The Mended Part is Stronger

Feeling anxious about the state of things still? Yeah, me too. This may sound silly but, it's been how many months into this, and even with many of the restrictions being lifted...  I'm feeling more isolated than ever. Doesn't make sense. A lot of things don't right now. Hence the anxiousness.

I try not to put lots of links in my blog posts anymore since it's frustrating to click on them later just to find that they no longer go anywhere. However. I'm going to link to a few things I've been reading (and putting into practice) the last couple of weeks that have been helpful for me. Perhaps, if you're feeling stressed out they will be of interest to you also. . .

• Dealing with Anxiety from Karen at her sewing blog Did You Make That?
• Reasons to Write: Stress Relief from Mrs. Duffy at Letter Matters on the therapeutic value of writing
• Feeling Anxious? Try These 10 Easy and Actionable Tips from Anja at her blog Our Gabled Home
• My Morning Practice a thoughtful plan of action from Beth at her blog My Simpler Life
• A Message for the People with the Feelings from Pip at her brilliant blog Meet Me At Mike's
• Live Jelly Cam at Monterey Bay Aquarium ...because when all else fails, there is nothing more calming than watching jellyfish videos with soothing music.

The important thing about diffusing anxiety, is to take an active part in it — not just reading about what works... but working it. Is there something you do that helps you to focus, get calm, or breathe easier? Do please share in the comments! After all, different moods and different days often call for different approaches.

And just so this post is not entirely dependent on all that link-y goodness, I will talk about one of the things I've been doing to keep me grounded and a little more focused. Namely, mending. That's such a humble yet potent word isn't it? So many things can be mended: socks, sweaters, broken bones, broken hearts, relationships, rifts of all kinds. 

When you mend something, you bring the torn parts back together; you make it whole again. But even more than that, it becomes stronger where the mended part is. 

My old pajama top (pictured above), had lost its button a couple of times and each time I dutifully reattached it. The last time it happened, I noticed that the fabric under the button had ripped. I decided to mend it by sewing a sturdy patch over the torn place before sewing the button back on. Normally I'd try to blend the mend by matching the fabrics and thread as much as possible. That kind of attention to detail, while sometimes desirable, can also become a roadblock to finishing (which is the last thing I need more of). I decided that finished (and functional) is better than perfect, grabbed the nearest needle and thread, and got on with it. 

I rather like this particular mend: the thin soft cotton with its incongruously heavy little patch of denim sewn on with variegated thread. I was able to sew the button on securely and the pajamas were useful once again. I tend to like all the mends I do actually. They serve as reminders... memory markers... pats on the back... good feels... a sense of accomplishment and all that. It always feels good to fix things up.

When my pajamas are all buttoned up, the mended place is hardly even noticeable. I know it's there however, and I smile at the thought that the rest of the pajamas will eventually fall apart, but the mended place will still be strong as ever.

"Let us keep courage and try to be patient and gentle."  —Vincent van Gogh

...with ourselves and with each other, and in everything we do.

Hugs,

Steph

Things I Actually Did During The Lockdown: Vol. 1

Yes, another list. It's what I do. Expect more in the future. This is an incomplete list of some of the things that I actually managed to accomplish during The Lockdown.  Alternate title: A Less Than Enchanted April in Rooms Without Much in the Way of a View is Cold Comfort Indeed!*

• Re-read all the library books I’d picked up before this mess began. Those things are seriously overdue, but I’m pretty sure it’s okay. If I'd realized what we were in for, I would have checked out a bunch more.   
• Gave Hubby an awesome haircut. Full disclosure: I give him haircuts even when we’re not in lockdown. This one though, really looked good! Pity nobody saw it! I also gave myself a major trim. I figured that even when I have to go out, my hair is up or in a baseball cap (so the mask ties don’t get caught in it)… nobody will see a bad trim!
• Finished a crochet hat with a challenging pattern that I’d started over a year ago and misplaced. The bigger challenge was figuring out where I'd left off. Gotta remember not to stop mid-project like that.
• Tested some Christmas gift ideas. In April! What is the world coming to? I'd say more but that would be telling.
• Weeded the garden. Yes, I weeded. Totally not joking, I really did. And then, after getting up close and personal with the little darlings, had to find out what they’re actually called and other non-pertinent information about them. Because I could. And it was the least I could do after unceremoniously ripping them up by their invasive %$#@!& roots.  My favorite weed? The Redstem Storksbill!
• Did some reading up on the habits and habitats of our local feathered friends. We had an Oak Titmouse family in our front yard birdhouse. I could watch their comings and goings as they “feathered their nest” and fledged their young. Forget the Lion King, we've got the circle of life right here in our front yard. And it's awesome.  
• A bit of clutter clearing happened. Then the sun came out! After a cold grey winter, I've pretty much planted myself on the porch to soak up as much heat as possible. Not sun, heat. There is a difference. Might do some more de-cluttering now that the fickle weather has turned on us once again.
• With the libraries still closed, and you know, a swirling vortex of stress, I turned to my favorite novels for comfort and escape. They’re the ones in green print cotton covers in the photo above. Re-reading them is like therapy. No, it's more like a special treat; a visit with an old friend. I don’t like the look of paperbacks, so to cover up the sometimes damaged (sometimes ugly) covers, I glue fabric over them. It’s pretty and it reinforces the cheap paper covers.

So that was April. This is May. May is thus far just like April. But if I look closely, there are some positive changes happening….

Cheer up, Buttercups!
—Steph

*Three of the top favs: Enchanted April by Elizabeth Von Arnim, A Room With a View by EM Forster, and Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons. These also have the distinction of having had excellent movies made from them with stellar casts. The same can not be said of all my favorite novels.

Things are Weird… but It's Going to Be Okay

As a crafty/DIY-type of introvert with more unfinished projects than time to do them all, there are some aspects of this “Shelter-In-Place” and Social Distancing-thing that make me want to just say, “Hey, welcome to my world everybody!”

But then there are the overwhelmingly serious aspects of this situation… and then there are The Fears… The Uncertainty... The Isolation... The Horrid Media Coverage... The Stats... UGH. And while I rejoice that some restrictions may be lifting soon, the weirdness will continue for quite some time.

I don't know about you, but I need to focus on positive things to keep my mood from spiraling. Lately that's a real challenge. So, while boredom is not in my vocabulary even in the best of times, I made a list of things to work off of when I do lose focus (or start to focus on the cruddy stuff). Plus making lists calms me.

My Big Fluid List of Possible Things to Do During the Lockdown (in no particular order)

Practice my penmanship

Go for a walk in my neighborhood

Embroider something

Putter in the garden

Catch up on stuff (UFOs)

Re-read a favorite book or two (or three...)

Make a dent in my craft supplies

Start a new art journal/work in my "altered book"

Write “morning pages”

Learn new ukulele songs/hone old favorites

De-clutter a closet/dresser/room

Watch movies and TV shows that make me feel good/laugh

Listen to old radio shows (online/streaming)

Mend stuff

Play board games/card games

Plant fruits and vegetables 

Organize/purge my digital photos

Make music playlists (I can kill a ton of time this way)

Rearrange the furniture

Do a real Spring Clean

Make meal plans

Feed the birds in the front yard

Clean out my fountain pens

Write letters and cards to friends/family

Bake and cook (even more) stuff from scratch

Practice “belly breathing”

I've been staying off the internet/TV/social media for the majority of each day. It really only takes a few minutes to get what little important info there is (the rest of it is just a depressing rabbit hole).

The main thing right now is to take care of ourselves: mind, body, and soul. Sometimes that might mean watching cat videos all morning in pajamas and eating ice cream straight from the carton. But only sometimes.

What’s on your list? What have you been doing to keep happy and healthy lately?

—Steph 

Blueberries: All's Fair In Love And War

Early June 2016

My Backyard    

Dear Jay, 

I know that no amount of sunflower seeds can take the place of a warm and juicy ripe blueberry bursting in your beak. On this we can agree. But while I respect your above-average avian intelligence, you are, for a few weeks out of every year, my adversary.

Sincerely yours,

Stephanie     

P.S. This is war.

This Little Rut of Mine....

Just thought I'd pop in and let you know I'm still around. It's been a while and I've missed you! What has it been, nearly almost somewhere around three whole entire years since I've posted anything? Yeah, and then some. But you know, even back when I was posting semi-erratically, the span of time between posts had been getting longer and longer. It made me ponder more than once whether I should even begin anew.

I find it interesting that I just wrote "begin anew", instead of using the word "continue". Maybe that's key. I often wondered (doubted) if I even could continue to write the way I had been before. Or if I even wanted to? Serious doubt. But perhaps the trick isn't to continue with what I was doing, but instead, to begin anew. Neither starting back at the beginning, nor resuming from where I left off. After all, I'm not the person I was three years ago. None of us are. Better to forge ahead from where I'm at right now.

There will be no "starting over" either... a term that, for some reason, just sounds too depressing for words (and way too much work). To begin anew though, implies hope... possibilities... adventure... romance! Okay, results may vary, but who knows? It smacks of the unknown future which is always brighter than dredging through the well known old rut. A new start from this point on, which I find infinitely more interesting than current pop-culture's oh-so-boring over-fondness for the reboot (just another word for re-do, restart, or do-over).

So, yes, there will be new posts to come. Semi-erratically, 'cuz that's how I roll. And since this was never intended to be just a food blog, there will be more crafts, and other... stuff (gardening/health/beauty/musings/rants), as well as more recipe reviews. For now though, let's just see where things take us. After all, there are times when do-overs are necessary, this just isn't one of them.

Brick Walls, Vintage Computers, and Cherry Flavored Birdseed

Just when everything looks like it's starting to get back on track and within sight, when things start going your way (or going again at all)... well, that's when a brick wall suddenly materializes right in your path. Kapow. A cheerful thought, I know.

Our computer died last week. D.E.A.D. Miraculously, I was able to get everything off the hard drive before it's last gasping breath. I had gotten quite lazy with backups... I'm cured of that now, let me tell you. By the way, when was the last time you backed up your hard drive, hmm? To paraphrase something I read recently:

The best time to back up your hard drive is an hour ago.
The second best time... is right now.

As if I didn't have enough hurdles in the way of getting back into a more regular blogging schedule, this latest one is fairly insurmountable. We just don't have the funds for a new (or even new-to-us) computer at the moment. And until we do, it's back to the Cuter Computer for us (the little old iMac that we bought when we were first married). I don't call it "The Trooper" for nothing. That little blueberry has now outlasted two bigger, newer, faster computers, and just keeps on truckin'... slowly and seriously limited in it's capabilities... but it boots up and it works. Dependably. Truckin' along. Though some might consider it, technologically speaking, the dark ages. All I can say is: C'est La Vie... this is our new normal... it is what it is... and all that rot.

Perhaps this break is a good thing? Giving up blogging and Pinterest for Lent would be suitably sacrificial in this day and age (though perhaps a more meaningful exercise had I chosen to give it up). Regardless of how, when, and why it happened, turning my back for a while on the spammers, scrapers, and other leeches who suck the joy out of blogging... might be nice at that. Unfortunately, I will also miss the people and things that put the joy into it as well.

During this downtime, I'll continue to Make it, Bake it, Buy it, and Fake it... in other words, I'll keep writing and photographing for future posts. But I also plan to...

• Work diligently on my quilt project (the piecing is almost done! Yea!)
• Catch up on a few books I've been wanting to read*
• Clean out my refrigerator (it is way past due)
• Try to find out why they put artificial cherry flavoring in the wild birdseed we buy (seriously!)
• Get to the bottom of why it's easier to eat a larger portion of mashed potatoes than baked potatoes.
  

So stay well, keep busy (or not), have a lovely Valentine's Day, and if you happen to win the lottery or have a spare logic board laying around**... think of me!  :^)

*Starting with: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
**for an iMac G5 17" with iSight (never hurts to ask, right?)

Rip It Out and Re-do It! (embracing the do-over)

When I was a kid, and something wasn't going my way, I'd call out, "Do over!" The slate was immediately wiped clean and I would start again. Somewhere along the way to adulthood though, I forgot about the beauty of do-overs and began resenting anything I had to start over or do more than once. Perhaps as I grew older I became more aware of time passing... of the limited time we all have, and I didn't want to waste any of it doing the same thing twice? Maybe. 

Lately though, I've begun to re-consider the do-over, the second chance. How many times in life do we wish that we could go back and do something over, do it better, or at the very least, do it differently... say it differently. Should we just accept that we did the best that we could at the time and move on? That certainly sounds like the healthier option. And I think with most things, it is. After all, we can't go back in time, so the trick is to do the best we can right now.

But where is the point at which we look at something and say, "That's good enough" and can be truly happy with it... or think, "No, better re-do it", knowing it may forever nag at us if we don't? How do we know when to start over and when to just let go and move forward?

I've started making a new baby quilt and these are the thoughts that have been swimming around in my head as I progress with it. Is it any wonder that it takes me so long to finish one of these?! 

One of the blocks I'd made the other day kept bugging me. I walked away for a while. Something about it just bothered me. So I slept on it (not literally of course). And in the light of a new day.... it still sat there with a scowl. Or was that me? I rearranged the blocks. Rotated them this way and that. Looked at them from every angle. I'd spent a whole day trying to talk myself into accepting it as-is and yet I wasn't happy. 

No, there was nothing for it but to rip apart the offending block and do it over. I scowled some more, but as I finally sat down with a cup of tea and got to work with my seam ripper, something happened: I embraced the do-over for what it was, a second chance. Just the thought of getting rid of all that future angst I would no doubt have, if I left things as they were, started to lift my spirits. The tea probably helped also.

The do-over is simply part of the process. That's what popped into my head. The frustration? It went out the window. In the end, I had a better quilt block and hardly any setback at all. I will forever be able to identify the once offending block, but now it will be without any internal nagging or regret. Instead, it will be with an inward smile of satisfaction that I did do the best that I could at the time.  Because sometimes the best we can do... is to call a do-over.

Tempus... Fuhgedaboudit

Holy holly-berries, Batman! It's winter already?

Tempus Fugit! (whether you're blogging or not)... Time Flies.

I'm rather stunned that my last post was about tomatoes way back in October, and here we are wading in up to our knees in Winter. Sigh. Well, enough about that. I won't bore you with what transpired between then and now, frankly because there was no single dramatic absence-causing event at the root of it. There never is. And I guess that's probably a good thing when you come right down to it.

This break away from my blog, like most things in life, was more due to a snowballing series of little (sometimes good and sometimes bad) randomly occurring things all ganging up on me. You know, like how an avalanche starts.

Just another way of saying… Life Happens.

So, perhaps you are asking yourself, "Gee, will her next post be about daffodils in the spring? Or homemade bug spray for summer camp-outs?" The answer is, "No, it won't be that long of a wait." I won't make promises, but hey, at least (if you are a subscriber) you won't be annoyed by my posting too often, right? I don't know about you, but my inbox and my feed-reader overflow-eth with stuff to read and catch up on. It's a bit overwhelming. Time for some eClutter-clearing if you know what I mean. But maybe that can wait until next year.

O.K. Just what do you mean, it IS next year? When did THAT happen? Where have I been? Oh wait... we covered that already didn't we. Well then...

I want us all to have a Happy New Year

I don't do resolutions, but the beginning of a new year IS a good time to start something you've been putting off... something you've not had the time for... something that will nourish your soul, quench your creativity, or feed your mind. Most people have a few of those things on their back-burner. Pick one and start today. After all, there's no better time like the present... and there's no better present to yourself than the time to do something you've been putting off.

Cheers... to one and all!

How Marriage Is Like A Toaster

(or... How we kept 4 toasters out of the local landfill)

Last year for our anniversary, our toaster died. For the fourth time. Or, should I say... for the last time.

I'd better start from the beginning. One year and one month after receiving our lovely big toaster as a wedding gift, it stopped toasting. It, of course, had a one-year warranty. Our newly-married budget would not allow for it's replacement in kind, so we would have to buy a cheap new one... or have it repaired.

Words That Start With "R"
What are the green 3-Rs again... Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle? What ever happened to Repair? Is it lumped under the Reuse heading? It needs to be its own "R". Twelve years ago, it looked like the honeymoon was over for our wedding-toaster when I realized that small appliance repair was apparently a lost or dying art. Too many years of people thinking that the fourth "R" stands for Replace. I found one repair shop though, and they told me on the phone that if they couldn't fix it there would be no charge. If they could fix it, $24.

Such A Deal
Well, the way I saw it, even a cheap toaster would cost us something in that neighborhood, so fixing it would be like buying that same $60 toaster at 60% off. We decided to go the repair-route. That repair lasted us 6 years before the toaster bit the dust again. Back to the shop, and another $24 fix job. So we've put a total of $48 into it (or by my calculations, bought a $60 toaster for 20% off).

Fast forward four years. Once again, kaput. The shop had moved, but was thankfully still in business. This time it was the circuit board. Our tally is now up to $72 for a $60 toaster. I looked over at Hubby on the way home, "You realize this was the last time?" He nodded in reply.

Requiem For A Toaster
When the oft-resuscitated toaster kicked the bucket last September, Hubs brought up the R-word: repair. I used a different R-word and reminded him of our toaster's history, the timeline, the math. He nodded again... remembering.

It Was Finally Time For A Replacement
Time now to research brands and models, features and reviews. Tedious stuff. But we take our toast seriously. And after living with that toaster for 12 years, we both had definite ideas about what we each wanted in a new one:

1. I bake a lot of rustic round loaves of bread, and I prefer toasting whole slices. 
2. Hubs has strong feelings about different manufacturers and their quality. 
3. We both wanted something simple and basic. One that does what it does, and does it well.

The field of contenders was actually pretty small after we combined our needs and requirements.* Which toaster we ended up with, isn't important to this story. Toast is so subjective anyway. A real hot topic. I'll just say though that we found exactly what we wanted, it cost more than I'd hoped to spend, but then it's also been 12 years since we've shopped for a toaster. I really can't complain!

Happy Toaster-versary!
So here's to our toaster... It's one year later and we're still really happy with our second ever toaster. In honor of the occasion, I baked up an awesome bread recipe from one of my favorite cookbooks:

Oatmeal Sandwich Bread from page 130 of Good To The Grain by Kim Boyce
Find the recipe adapted over at the Diary Of A Locavore blog ...or better yet, just go get the book from your local library or bookstore. It's a great introduction to baking with different grains and flours. I've baked up at least a half-dozen of the recipes so far and have loved every one.

My Notes: Just for the heck of it, I substituted Bob's Red Mill 5-Grain Rolled Hot Cereal for the oats. And since I didn't have any bread flour in the cupboard, I simply used 2 cups of all-purpose flour and added two tablespoons of gluten. The bread tasted—and toasted—great!

* This is all about compromising and it begins with respecting each other. It's a very grown-up thing to do and it helps build a happy marriage. Consider it my Marital Tip Of The Day. Cheers!

The Seven Year Stitch

See the quilt in the photo? Does it look familiar? Maybe it looks a little like my blog header up there? Well, there's a reason for that. They are the same quilt, just at different stages of completion. Like a magazine tear-out of a swimsuit model taped on the fridge (horrid thought) might remind someone about their goal of getting in shape for summer, I very cleverly used a photo of my unfinished quilt project for my blog banner. I see it nearly everyday. So, I am constantly being reminded of something I haven't finished. Is that sick or what?

The Phenomenon Of Disappearing Motivation

Anyway, let me just say that the strategy doesn't work. That scantily-clad stick-figure on the fridge will eventually become invisible... transparent. She will just cease to be noticed any more. And then it's July and well... there's always next summer, right? It's the same with my UFO* blog header. I stopped hearing it's motivational message. I simply stopped noticing it. 

Recently, I made a renewed effort to complete the incomplete, finish the unfinished, wrap things up and move on to the next thing... whatever that may be. Sounds so healthy, right? Well it is... and it isn't. That baby quilt, for instance, is for my God-son...

He just turned 7. 

I started the quilt when he was 0.

Budget Pets & Sensory Gardens

Pets are a big responsibility... and one I can't in good conscience commit to right now. They require stability, time, space, and money. We're a little thin in some of those spots at the moment, but we still feel the emptiness that only pets can fill. We have a pet-sized hole in our lives.* So in the meantime, we have birds. Or more specifically, we feed birds. Wild birds to be exact... lots and lots of them.

Raise your hand if you get teary during the "Feed The Birds" montage in Mary Poppins...

While our fine feathered friends seem to eat their weight in food every day, a big sack of seed every couple of months is still cheaper than vet bills and designer doggy duds. Plus, they're the easiest pets ever (not even goldfish are this easy). Admittedly, as far as pets go, wild birds score pretty low on the snuggle-factor, but they rate very high on the amusement scale.

A Sound Garden

All of our bird visitors, large and small, have made our garden come alive with movement and activity... the kind you just can't get with whirligigs and weather-vanes. I tend to think that good landscaping should incorporate movement and sound, and indeed engage all our other basic senses as well. Like movement, sound is an element that often gets forgotten, but a yard that's atwitter with birdies, is a garden complete. Just hearing them out there chirping and chattering away makes me happy. I call that "cheep" therapy. Want to get in on all the action? Here are some tips that have worked for us...

Tales From A Nostalgia Trip (and some time travel tips)

I was away for a couple of weeks...  far and away...  far, far, away.  I was on a trip back in time to a place where pieces of my childhood have remained packed away and undisturbed:

...Jacks and super-balls in their little cotton drawstring bag. 

...Barbie asleep in her iconic pink wardrobe carrying case. 

...Tutus, tights, and toe shoes. 

...Cleats and shin-guards still in their duffel bag ready for the next scrimmage. 

...Prom dresses hanging in the closet as if waiting for the next dance.

...More Billy Idol posters than I even remember having.

I went through the portal—the rip in space-time that allowed me to travel back there for a little while. Time seems to have stopped after I moved away... leaving behind a closet full of who I used to be. But time doesn't ever really stop. While my childhood home may be somewhat Brigadoon-ish, my hometown had moved on. It's now bustling, over-crowded, and congested... anxious and claustrophobic. The reality of the place no longer resembles what I so fondly remember. There really is no place like home.

So, I was away... but I'm back now.
And yes, I brought some of my toys with me.

Handy tips for smooth trips
Should you find yourself doing some time traveling by air in the near future here are some tips I gleaned from my recent little adventure: